Bryan's Daily Routine
by jojoDO
Summary: A day in the life of our favorite murdering psychopath. Rated T for language and crude humor.


**Inspired by Gai, who made the greatest Bryan fic in existence, I decided to try my hand at a Bryan fic! This is nowhere near as good as his, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.**

Bryan was asleep in his bed, snoring loudly. His covers had fallen off, so he was just laying there in his gray boxers. He seemed to be a rough sleeper, as he was rolling around and grunting loudly. Suddenly, he started moaning and grabbing his crotch.

"Mmm, yeah... Nina, you look so damn fine in that jumpsuit" he mumbled, drool running down his chin. He unconsciously started stroking himself. Suddenly, his alarm clock started blaring.

"AAAH!" he yelled, flailing wildly before bringing his fist down on the clock. He sat up and scratched his head.

"Shit, that's number 45..." he muttered. He jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom, taking care of his personal needs. After a quick shower, he slipped on his gray camouflage pants and a black t shirt. He then slipped on a pair of black steel toe boots.

"Let's see what's on the agenda today..." he muttered as he pulled out a to do list.

 _Kill_

 _Destroy_

 _Resist Arrest_

 _F***_

 _Get hammered_

He quickly added "buy new alarm clock" to the list and then put it in his pocket. With a grin, he walked down into his basement and browsed his wide array of weapons.

"Let's see what kinda toy I'm gonna use today.."

He looked at all of his tools of murder: AK 47, Uzi, Spaz 12, M16...

"Bingo!" he yelled with a smile as he picked up an M4A1 assault rifle with an underbarrel grenade launcher. Checking the magazine and cocking it, he put it around his shoulder and then browsed his sidearms. He selected his Glock 26 and, checking the chamber, put it in the holster and put it on his belt.

"Alright, let's go kick some ass!" he yelled, laughing maniacally.

He strolled down the streets, ignoring the weird looks he got from people around him. He stopped on the sidewalk and waited for the traffic to pass. As he stood there and whistled, an old woman a few feet away stared at him.

"What the f*** are you staring at, wrinkly old bitch?" Bryan yelled. The woman looked away, disgusted.

Finally the road was clear and Bryan quickly sprinted across the road and to the nearby store. He walked in, shoving people aside, and made his way to the alarm clocks. He looked around until he found an exact copy of the one he smashed. He quickly approached the clerk, cutting in front of a guy with a mustache.

"Hey, wait your tu-" was all the man managed before Bryan knocked him out with a Mach Punch. Bryan then placed the clock on the counter.

"That'll be... uh... do you have a permit for those?" the clerk asked, pointing to Bryan's guns.

"No, but if you don't say anything I won't blow up your store." Bryan said. He quickly paid the clerk and walked out of the store, grinning maniacally.

"Welp, now that that's over, let's blow some shit up!" And with that, he pointed his rifle and started firing erratically in the street. The screams of nearby civilians were drowned out by his own maniacal laughter.

"Ooooh a public bus!" Bryan yelled as he fired a grenade and blew it to smithereens.

After twenty minutes of shooting random stuff, he was out of ammo. As he threw his rifle back over his shoulder, the police arrived and quickly surrounded him.

"Oh look, it's the f***in oinkers!" Bryan said, laughing merrily. Lei Wulong stepped forward, his gun poined at Bryan's chest.

"Fury! Why do we have to go through this everyday?" he asked.

"Because you can't ever capture me, alive OR dead." Bryan said with a smile.

Lei rolled his eyes. "Alright, let's get this over with. You're under arrest, yadda yadda yadda. Now put your hands up!"

Bryan pondered for a second before smirking.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm... no."

He picked up a nearby destroyed car and chucked it at the police officers, who all screamed and ran away. As Bryan turned tail and ran, Lei shot him multiple times. The bullets only bounced off of him.

"Damn it!" Lei yelled. "Next time, Fury! NEXT TIIIIIIIIIIME!"

"Well, glad that's over" Bryan said with a smile. As he walked onward and hummed, he saw Anna Williams on the sidewalk trying to get a cab.

"Hey, is that Anna Williams? Hot damn!" Bryan yelled as he approached the voloptuous woman.

"Hey baby, why don't you let me teach you the meaning of the word perpetual?" Bryan said, thrusting his pelvis.

Anna looked at him for a second with a strange look.

"Why should I?" she sneered.

"Why? I'm f***ing Bryan Fury, bitch!" Bryan exclaimed.

"Okay!" Anna said with a smile. The two of them then had mind blowing sex right there on the sidewalk.

 **HOURS LATER**

"Oh shit, not again..." Bryan whispered as he pulled up his pants and ran away quickly. Anna laid on the ground, groaning.

"My back... I think... my spine is broken... someone help..."

Bryan finally made his way back home. he threw his guns on the floor and removed everything but his boxers.

"Ahhhh, it feels good to be a man!" he exclaimed. He grabbed a 12 pack of beers and sat down in his recliner. He then watched dirty movies all night before passing out drunk.

 **THE END**


End file.
